I'm a mess, what can I say

After last night, I can safely say I am an emotional mess. What with the present issues with Amy and her finding out that her grandfather is on the verge of death, as well as my own uncertainty about the whole situation with her, its been a rough night, to follow a rough day.

I know good and well this entry is nothing like the others, as it will have very little to do about travel and cars, except the fact mine is indeed costing me $330 to get new struts and an alignment, thank god it isn’t more.

I feel helpless as Amy is 500 some odd miles away and I can do absolutely nothing for her. I feel bad that I can’t do anything really to help cheer her up or make her feel better about the situation.

I’m even torn as to if everything will even work out between her and I. I know I shouldn’t have doubts, especially as crazy as we are for each other, but I honestly can’t help it. The distance will and has been quite rough, Its hard, it isn’t like I can drive to Southern California every weekend to visit, if I could, I certainly would, I love being with her. One thing that sets her apart from anyone else I have even thought of being involved with is her supportiveness. She’s all for my involvement with cars, even thought we both know they will end up being money pits, especially the Porsche, she’s actually looked in the Orange County area to see if there were any for sale at a reasonable price.

It’s very hard to believe that I would have doubts about someone who is so supportive me and is overall doing well in life as she graduated from the University of California, Irvine last year and now works at Cal Tech in their alumni department.

Things should become much clearer after I make my visit on spring break in which we are scheduled to go to Disneyland as well as a hockey game (her first sporting event ever) between the Anaheim Mighty Ducks and the Nashville Predators. I think my found and a half days with her will say a lot and clear everything up between us, or make things much worse, time can only tell, I hope it makes things better, but I am a man of little hope as I am used to things never working out.

Anyways, that’s enough early morning rambling, over and out.